Negativities of a Chronically Vulgar Girl

 

Biggest Jet Li fan now.

I'm so obsessed, it's a bit embarrassing.

When Mandy said she wanted to watch The Warlords, I was like, ok, I don't mind Takeshi Kaneshiro.

After the movie, while everybody else were gushing over Andy Lau (but he's got botoxed cheeks!) and Takeshi Kaneshiro, I was the odd one out who blurted how "man" Jet Li was from the back of the car. Doh.

Since then, I've watched The Warlords twice.

I raided TS and bought the vcds for Fearless and Rogue Assassin, both of which I've watched twice. Erm, in two days.

I dug out the pirated Cradle 2 the Grave vcd I nicked off Justin back in Perth.

I scanned the tv guide for Starhub Channel 62 this entire long weekend for any old Jet Li martial arts movies, but the only one I got was on Channel 8 for Kung Fu Cult Master.

Next up, I might just be searching for Romeo Must Die, Kiss of the Dragon and The One.

Jet Li is so cool.

Oh my gawd, I'm crazy.

Finally.

I have a weekend to myself to recover from a leaking nose and rusty throat. 

I took a half-day leave on a whim yesterday to shop alone in Orchard. 

Bumped into an old friend of 18 years at the most unexpected road junction. It was a crossing that I have never taken before, preferring to walk through the underpass each time instead. It was a good thing I did, or I would never have found out about the terrible thing that had befallen him. I went home and told my mom, who told my dad, and we are silently mourning for his loss even till now.

Anyway.

I got locked out of Livejournal. Imagine that!

So anyway, my posts are long overdue. But heck, better now than never at all.
***
Mandy makes such a great Hen. 

Dirty-minded, boisterous and an ultra great sport. Love her!

We started off with dinner at Hooters. No one knew who decided on Hooters, but I suppose some of us secretly meant to ogle at the Hooters girls while the rest of us fully intended to pass catty remarks on how fat that thigh is. I mean, I was the one who said to meet at Hooters (because that place is one big bloody orange, who can possibly miss it?) and Mandy replied "OK!", and nobody said, "Eeeks Hooters!". And... Yeah. Hooters it was.



Gotham Penthouse. 
Gosh I'm so obsessed with that place!




Mandy and Karen went off to smoke, leaving Sze Hwei and I to man the drinks. That's when we grabbed a waiter and asked if we needed to pay one of the dancers to do a lap dance on our Hen. $50! I was like, so bloody cheap! Ok! Ain't showin' no raunchy photos here, but here's one to whet your appetite. Gosh, I thought my sides were going to splinter with all those guffaws during the "performance". 

[Pre-takeoff Announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight]

This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:

"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao. Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m. Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill."

One night, I learnt two very interesting theories.

Theory One
Me: "Wah Joan, your hair's damn long."
Joan: "Why? Is that a bad thing?"
Me: "No, but won't your hair keep dropping? Cos my basket's full of mine."
Joan: "Yeah, that's because we use hard water here."
Me: "Hard water??? What's that? You mean there's soft water?"
Joan: Yeah, because the water here's drinkable.
(Joan's from the Philippines)
Me: "Har? You mean the chlorine they add in our water and all the shit and urine that make up Newater?"
Joan: "Yeah, it's harsh and bad for the hair." 

Moral of the story: Singapore has hard water that make our hair drop. Don't bathe too long.

Theory Two
Me: "Eh you know ah, when I was at the Perth airport, I saw this weighing scale for the luggage. So I stood on it and weighed myself. Shit, I thought I gained two kg in 10 days! But when I reached home and weighed again, I was the same weight as before. The stupid machine must be spoilt ah. Oh and did you know, when I first went over to Perth at 19, I was 39kg. By the end of first year, I was 47kg! I think it was all the tim tams I was eating."
Gim Shin (frowning): "My friend told me that in cold countries, your body turns the food you eat into fats to keep you warm."
Me: "Huh are you serious? Then what about people who eat very little?"
Gim Shin: "Yah, really. Then whatever they eat become fats lor. My friend's doctor told him that."
Me: "Ah, your friend's doctor come from where one?"
Gim Shin: "From London. So maybe that's why you gained weight."
Me: "Oh good, that means it wasn't the tim tams I ate!"

Moral of the story: People from cold countries are fat.

Date:	Sat, 25 Aug 2007 10:51:47 +0700
To:	"MS. JIAYI Ma" <jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg>
Subject:	AsiaRooms.com : Criterion in Perth, Australia [reservation #30027404]
From:	"AsiaRooms.com" <no-reply@secure-paiement-reservation.com>  Add to Address Book

Part II

It's a bit long, but can be funny too.

Coming back, I wish I was in Perth again.

Three more days to Perth!