Negativities of a Chronically Vulgar Girl

Theme Song for Jet Li's the One Foundation

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 08:38:33 GMT

I am like, the...

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 13:21:55 GMT

Biggest Jet Li fan now.

I'm so obsessed, it's a bit embarrassing.

When Mandy said she wanted to watch The Warlords, I was like, ok, I don't mind Takeshi Kaneshiro.

After the movie, while everybody else were gushing over Andy Lau (but he's got botoxed cheeks!) and Takeshi Kaneshiro, I was the odd one out who blurted how "man" Jet Li was from the back of the car. Doh.

Since then, I've watched The Warlords twice.

I raided TS and bought the vcds for Fearless and Rogue Assassin, both of which I've watched twice. Erm, in two days.

I dug out the pirated Cradle 2 the Grave vcd I nicked off Justin back in Perth.

I scanned the tv guide for Starhub Channel 62 this entire long weekend for any old Jet Li martial arts movies, but the only one I got was on Channel 8 for Kung Fu Cult Master.

Next up, I might just be searching for Romeo Must Die, Kiss of the Dragon and The One.

Jet Li is so cool.

Oh my gawd, I'm crazy.

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 07:10:33 GMT

Finally.

I have a weekend to myself to recover from a leaking nose and rusty throat.

I took a half-day leave on a whim yesterday to shop alone in Orchard.

Bumped into an old friend of 18 years at the most unexpected road junction. It was a crossing that I have never taken before, preferring to walk through the underpass each time instead. It was a good thing I did, or I would never have found out about the terrible thing that had befallen him. I went home and told my mom, who told my dad, and we are silently mourning for his loss even till now.

Anyway.

November 18 2007
Leong Hwee and Evie's Wedding at Orchid Country Club

23 November 2007
Mandy and Shawn's Wedding at Orchid Country Club (The Grand Ballroom)
They had 101 tables!

Like Shawn said, "It's my father's wedding."

I still cannot believe some arse had the cheek to give them a red packet with two empty red packets inside. Gosh, this is so, "God will punish you."

Now, this is the first wedding I've seen a crazy bride casting aside all notions of propriety and tottering around in her high heels, mingling with the few hundred guests invited to her special night.

Tell me, which prim and proper bride would grab her guest by the wrist and command her photographer to take a picture of them? As the poor guest tries her mighty best to avoid stepping on her snow white train of gown, the bride gives a maniacal laugh and says,"Never mind, never mind! Just step on it! It's ok one!"

Isn't Mandy simply a great girl?

The DBS Posse
Top left to right: Karen Chin, Jasmine, Daniel, Michael
Bottom left to righ: Pretty me, Joe joe, Sze Hwei

The Day after the Wedding
Thanks to Mandy's father-in-law, we had a free room to sleep over in.

It was great. There was a double bed and two single beds, of which I immediately "chopped" one by flinging my handbag onto it while Ah Chin and Sze Sze were made to share the double bed. *snickers*

That night, I had my bad karma coming. I lao-saied the whole night because I had been the greediest at the banquet. Imagine the incongruity of seeing the smallest person at the table grabbing two bowl's of sharks fin and gobbling up half the scallops on the plate. I snapped at the waitress who tried to clear the table. True story.

The grand master plan for the day after the wedding was to play tag paintball. Unfortunately, our desire to mortally injure each other with balls of paint had to be abandoned as more and more people pulled out on us. We ended up ogling Takuya Kimura at some dodgy Yishun cinema instead.

Sze Hwei says Niki Ma is always acting cute.

I am cute, yo. Watcha gonna do but to love me for it?

You can tell that I just bathed by my wet T-shirt.

The bride and groom checking out

Lunch at Vanda Terrace.

Note how we were all dressed in our worst. We had fully intended to lock one another in combat on the paintball fields and throw away those clothes after that. Next time, perhaps.

November 27 2007
The November Babies

From left to right: Me, Kelly, Leong Hwee, Adeline

Leong Hwee and Kelly had this nutty idea of cashing in on the "good luck" that comes with our birthdays by buying Toto. We all wrote down our ic numbers, date of births and staff ids and were made to pick numbers from a cup. Only one number came out, I think. So much for good luck. Haha.

I'm glad there are four of us born in the month of November. I always thought it was embarrassing for that one individual as the entire Quality and Training Team claps and sings "Happy Birthday" in the pantry. Phew, and I had Kelly blowing out my candle because I used my bad cough as an excuse not to. Heh heh.

I'm a quarter of a century old!

Mandy's Hen's Nite on 10 November 2007

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 14:48:06 GMT

I got locked out of Livejournal. Imagine that!

So anyway, my posts are long overdue. But heck, better now than never at all.
***
Mandy makes such a great Hen.

Dirty-minded, boisterous and an ultra great sport. Love her!

We started off with dinner at Hooters. No one knew who decided on Hooters, but I suppose some of us secretly meant to ogle at the Hooters girls while the rest of us fully intended to pass catty remarks on how fat that thigh is. I mean, I was the one who said to meet at Hooters (because that place is one big bloody orange, who can possibly miss it?) and Mandy replied "OK!", and nobody said, "Eeeks Hooters!". And... Yeah. Hooters it was.

Gotham Penthouse.
Gosh I'm so obsessed with that place!

Mandy and Karen went off to smoke, leaving Sze Hwei and I to man the drinks. That's when we grabbed a waiter and asked if we needed to pay one of the dancers to do a lap dance on our Hen. $50! I was like, so bloody cheap! Ok! Ain't showin' no raunchy photos here, but here's one to whet your appetite. Gosh, I thought my sides were going to splinter with all those guffaws during the "performance".

TRY to read it out loud, it's funny...

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 08:19:30 GMT

[Pre-takeoff Announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight]

This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:

"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao. Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable. Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m. Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill."

Always learning something new

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 09:11:12 GMT

One night, I learnt two very interesting theories.

Theory One
Me: "Wah Joan, your hair's damn long."
Joan: "Why? Is that a bad thing?"
Me: "No, but won't your hair keep dropping? Cos my basket's full of mine."
Joan: "Yeah, that's because we use hard water here."
Me: "Hard water??? What's that? You mean there's soft water?"
Joan: Yeah, because the water here's drinkable.
(Joan's from the Philippines)
Me: "Har? You mean the chlorine they add in our water and all the shit and urine that make up Newater?"
Joan: "Yeah, it's harsh and bad for the hair."

Moral of the story: Singapore has hard water that make our hair drop. Don't bathe too long.

Theory Two
Me: "Eh you know ah, when I was at the Perth airport, I saw this weighing scale for the luggage. So I stood on it and weighed myself. Shit, I thought I gained two kg in 10 days! But when I reached home and weighed again, I was the same weight as before. The stupid machine must be spoilt ah. Oh and did you know, when I first went over to Perth at 19, I was 39kg. By the end of first year, I was 47kg! I think it was all the tim tams I was eating."
Gim Shin (frowning): "My friend told me that in cold countries, your body turns the food you eat into fats to keep you warm."
Me: "Huh are you serious? Then what about people who eat very little?"
Gim Shin: "Yah, really. Then whatever they eat become fats lor. My friend's doctor told him that."
Me: "Ah, your friend's doctor come from where one?"
Gim Shin: "From London. So maybe that's why you gained weight."
Me: "Oh good, that means it wasn't the tim tams I ate!"

Moral of the story: People from cold countries are fat.

Fwah lau, bloody fucking funny joke.

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 08:50:39 GMT

Date:	Sat, 25 Aug 2007 10:51:47 +0700
To:	"MS. JIAYI Ma" <jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg>
Subject:	AsiaRooms.com : Criterion in Perth, Australia [reservation #30027404]
From:	"AsiaRooms.com" <no-reply@secure-paiement-reservation.com> Add to Address Book

Dear MS. JIAYI, Ma

We hope you have enjoyed your stay at Criterion in Perth, Australia from Aug 16, 2007 to Aug 18, 2007.

We would really appreciate your feed back about Criterion Hotel.
If you wish, you can add your own comments by clicking here.

Please note that your invoice is available!

Thank you for using asiarooms.com.

Kind Regards
Reservation Dept.
AsiaRooms.com Center

Perth, 9 August to 18 August 2007

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:17:40 GMT

Part II

It's a bit long, but can be funny too.

Day 5
Margaret River
Getting to Margaret River was easy enough as long as I knew which freeway to get onto. After buanging the car, I became the official map reader while Trina was the designated driver. Tricia was our official photographer. The owner of Brownelea was nice enough (not the stupid chao ang moh we met the first night, but some old Chinese dude from either Singapore or Malaysia) to give us directions when we checked out. Puzzling enough, he gave us very complicated instructions on getting to Mitchell freeway (turn left, go straight, turn right at roundabout, see the 2nd traffic light...) so that we could cut into Kwinana. We tried for a while and as expected, we got lost. So, I said to Trina to take the route I know best instead. Get back to Northbridge, turn into Freeway South and it'll bring us on to Kwinana. Easier leh.

We decided not to waste time at Bunbury because there would be no free dolphins to watch. Trina wanted to go to Cape Lavender and much of the time was spent getting to Dunsborough because Trina wrote on our itinery that the place was located there (It turned out to be closer to Yallingup!).

As we drove towards Yallingup (after circling Dunsborough and simply not finding any Cape Lavenders, we stopped by the visitor's centre to beg for directions and they gave us a very useful map), we couldn't resist the splendid view from the Cape Leeuwin Naturaliste Park! Achingly gorgeous but it was so bloody cold too.

Driving a little further on, we ended up in the Yallingup town centre and I realised the place we were just at was the very famous Yallingup Beach. Hey hey, another unexpected tourist attraction that we didn't plan to visit. We got stuck at the town centre and didn't know which way to turn back to Caves Road, which was supposed to lead us to Cape Lavender. Anyway, we managed to get directions from some hippie lady smoking outside a dingy convenience store and we went back to the car, shaking our heads at the amazing way we get ourselves lost all the time.

We drove for another hour or so and found ourselves at another Margaret River Chocolate Factory branch, where Trina bought some chocolates so that she could ask the staff for directions to Cape Lavender without feeling bad. According to the map, we were darn close to the place but just can't find the stupid road to turn into. Damn, the people there have never heard of the place! Trina decided to give up and asked for the way to the cheese factory instead.

As usual, we got lost again and asked a farmer for the way. The girls got a shock when he suddenly thrust his head through my open window to look at my ~~boobs...~~ uh, map.

Ooh, rainbow!

We had a spot of good luck though. As fate would have it, we were on our way to the cheese factory when some sharp-eyed doe (I can't remember if it was Trina, Tricia or me) saw Cape Lavender on a wooden sign about one kilometre from the chocolate factory!

Lavender scones
(Tasted like scones with lavender scented oil sprinkled on them)

Tricia's toufu dish (above) sounded exotic enough on the menu but was really very ah neh-tasting. Trina and I screwed up our noses as we tasted it.

When we reached Margaret River, we thought we were lost again when we tried to search for Magnolia Studio. This is how 56, Tunbridge Avenue looks like:

Now imagine this same shed at dusk, when the sky is darkening and there are no street lamps. Can you blame us for driving past it?

The studio turned out to be really pretty though.

Access though a stairway

Day 6
I bought $100 worth of fudge at The Fudge Factory!

We dilly-dallied over lunch, which was a bad thing because we had a long drive ahead of us. I couldn't help it! I was too caught up with Lindsay Lohan's latest bust-up in the gossip rag I was reading. Oh, and Katie Holmes was wearing this hideously shapeless red dress at the Beckham's welcome party.

On our way down to Albany

At Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse

To cut our adventure short, we got very lost at Pemberton and yet, despite me nagging incessantly about how we needed to reach Albany before dark, we still dropped by the Gloucester Tree at 5pm. Five! And the sun usually sets at 5.30!

For the next few hours, Trina was racing through the forests but we still had to pass Walpole and Denmark before Albany was anywhere in sight. Damn, I couldn't believe it took us two hours just to get to Walpole. The best part was we were driving on an almost empty tank and the only petrol station in Walpole was closed! Much to our relief, we found petrol in Denmark before the car could splutter and die and took a much-needed toilet break there. It was damn damn scary driving through the forests. The only light we got was the high beam from the car. There were no other cars around (except kangaroos flashing red eyes at us as we zoomed by) and we were driving really fast so that we wouldn't reach Albany tomorrow or something.

We reached the Pelicans at 9pm.

My loot from the Fudge Factory

Day 7
After lunch at Stirling Terrace

The Gap and Natural Bridge

Blowholes

On our way back to the Pelicans, we managed to squeeze in a bit of whale watching! All I saw was just a fifty cent coin-sized black thing and a small jet of spray, but Tricia was best. She swore she saw a white patch around the whale's eye. Trina scoffed and said, "You think what? Free Willy ah?"

I wasn't much better though. Putting $2 into the telescope, I tried to search for the whale and started yelping,"Oh my god, oh my god, I see it! Eh? Chey, it's just a rock."

The ang moh next to me burst out laughing. Duh.

Middleton Beach

Day 8
I finally took over some of the driving. We had to swerve quite a few times to avoid dead kangaroos, dead birds and some kind of carcass that looked like a kangaroo run over into half, but I think it might just be a quokka. It's hard to tell, it was just a pulpy raw red mess.

Araluen

Look where I dropped by before Garden City!

We passed by Snuffles' old home (also Emme's and Jess's) at O'Rourke and found the whole house bulldozed to the ground!

The most noteworthy thing about the day was when we tried to check into Criterion Hotel at 10pm. I will never book through Asiarooms.com again. Neither will I want to stay in Criterion the next time I'm there. It's a bit too run-down for my royal anal retentiveness's taste.

I made the booking online one month before the trip and was supposed to present the voucher upon checking in. Imagine our annoyance and dismay when the front desk lady said there was no record of our reservation and the hotel was fully booked for the night. To make it all worse, there is no free parking as their carpark has been under renovation for over a year!

Trina asked the lady to call Asiarooms for us so that we could cancel the booking and get a refund. Just to let you know, the Asiarooms call centre is in Thailand.

I started off with,"Hi, I made a reservation at Criterion Hotel in Perth one month ago..."

Thai CSO: "Oh no, ma'am. You can't make a booking with Asiarooms today anymore. It's too late..."

Me: "Let me finish first." I booked through Asiarooms for Criterion Hotel one month ago and they are telling us now we do not have a reservation..."

Thai CSO: "No, ma'am. You have to book through Asiarooms one week in advance. You can't book today anymore..."

WTF???

Me: "Let me finish first! I already said that I booked it one month ago and not only that, they are telling us there is no free parking! Why is it not stated on your website?"

Thai CSO: "Oh no, ma'am. We are only in charge of confirming your reservation for the room. The parking has nothing to do with us."

Exasperated to no end, my voice gave way at that time (I had a fever a few days before and it gave me a sore throat and a hacking cough), I motioned for Trina to take over.

I don't know what was exchanged between them, but Trina started shouting,"ARE YOU INTERRUPTING ME? DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE INTERRUPTING ME? WHY ARE YOU INTERRUPTING ME? DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE VERY RUDE? WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"

Guess what the Thai CSO replied?

"Yes ma'am, I am interrupting you. Yes, I am rude."

Wah lau, I laughed until peng!

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE! PUT ME THROUGH TO YOUR MANAGER!"

"No, ma'am."

"WHAT?! OK FINE, PUT ME THROUGH TO SOMEONE MORE SENIOR!"

"You can call back, ma'am."

I couldn't stop laughing when Trina told me this later.

Trina then confronted her about the lack of parking and the girl replied,"Ma'am, you booked through Asiarooms because our rates are cheaper than the hotel's."

Arrgh! Her bloody cheek! The atrocity! I had a good mind to stay at Duxton or Burswood then!

The phone was then passed to the front desk lady, who was a very sweet-tempered Japanese girl called Keiko. Keiko asked the CSO to give her the reference number. Apparently, the hotel would email Asiarooms a reference number if they had vacancies and Asiarooms would give the customer another reference name to check in.

The CSO must've been truly incompetent because Keiko started getting agitated too.

"I need your reference number. Why can't you give me the reference number? I've asked you 20 times for the reference number! You should be able to see it from your system."

We were all laughing silently away.

That was not the end. Asiarooms called the hotel later on because they were supposed to either give me a refund or find another hotel for us at no extra charge. As Criterion finally relented and offered us a handicap room, Trina demanded that they call us before we check out the next day with an alternative solution. Trina asked what time we'd receive the call and she suddenly exclaimed,"10am, US time???"

We all roared in laughter together.

Day 9
Lunch at Fast Eds. Shopping, shopping, shopping at Harbourtown and the city.

Day 10
After a horrid lunch at James St Kitchen, we headed to my favouritest place, Scarborough Beach!

Jimmy Deans, where I had a bit of Harry Potter in my Knickerbocka Glory!

Guess who I met at the airport? Debs and Yuan! Debs' sister and her boyfriend had flown in for a visit and was taking the same flight as me.

I reckon the customs officers really have it in for me, this time in the form of a fucking old butch who's also a major bitch too. She wanted me to take off my belt. After struggling with it for a while, I asked,"Is it absolutely neccessary? It's impossible to take out." Now, my Gravis belt is the same one I always wear to JB because it's so tough to get it off. When I pee, I just loosen it and drag my jeans down.

I looked at the stupid butch's face and just knew that she was going to say something sarcastic. So, I yanked it off and stormed off.

Do you know what that cheebye said?

"Well, you should know better than to wear an impossible belt if you are going to fly, with metal detectors and all that..."

To make it worse for me, when I stormed off, I walked the wrong way! Gah!

Royally pissed off and humiliated, I collected my things roughly with a black face and stormed away.

Over at the other end of the room, I could still hear that fucking cheebye going, "Oh, she's just angry I told her to take off an impossible belt..."

Look, I understand the need to check because Australia is so fucking scared people will bomb their precious country, but that didn't give her the bloody right to stick her nose up at me and patronise me! I'd gladly give her my belt if she'd asked nicely. What was worse was that Tricia, who had gone through another customs officer, was wearing a belt with a huge metal buckle! She wasn't asked to take it off.

Trina couldn't stop laughing as I raged away,"Stupid cheebye! Fucking hell, how dare she patronise me! What does she want me to do? Take off my jeans and walk in my panty?? Chao cheebye!" Yes, I said all these in front of everybody.

Trina suggested that I could say my bra has metal clasps too, do you want me to take it off?

Duh.

Well, in spite of this, I can't wait to be back in Perth again!

Perth, 9 August to 18 August 2007

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 08:58:02 GMT

Coming back, I wish I was in Perth again.

Day 1
Damn, we were treated like criminals while clearing customs.

Over at the other counter, Trina was being interrogated.

"So why are you here for?"

"Uh, holiday."

"Where will you be staying?"

"Brownelea. It's this service apartment in Northbridge."

"Are you here alone?"

"No, my sister's here too."

"Can you ask her to step forward."

My customs lady didn't probe too much, except to ask if I had problems understanding the questions on the immigration card, to which I raised a sarcastic eyebrow and replied a scathing no.

While I looked back to wonder why my friends were taking so long, I was stopped by another customs officer again. She asked for my passport and asked what flight I was on.

What the fuck. There was only one Tiger AIrways flight then.

She then asked for my itinery, to which I was sorely tempted to reply,"For fuck?"

I shrugged and said I didn't have one. She wanted my flight ticket, which was really just a crumpled piece of paper printed from my inbox.

Again, she asked, "So what will you be doing here?"

"Shopping..."

"Yeah...?", she frowned and studied my passport even closer.

Yah lah, I know it's lame to fly all the way to Perth to shop, but I'm rich cannot meh? Bitch.

So anyway, we finally got out of that drat airport at 10pm and nearly froze our butts off trying to find the car. This was just the start of us continuously losing our way around WA for the next nine days.

It started raining when we finally found our way to Brownelea. It wasn't easy getting to Palmerston Street in the dark, where every deserted street in Northbridge looks bloody much the same. In fact, we ended up driving in huge circles for the next three nights as we tried to find our service apartment. If ending up in West Perth was bad enough, it could never beat the night we ended up in Subi and even cruised by Oriels!

It's a good thing we checked into the apartment before heading for supper the first night. The chao ang moh caretaker was royally pissed at the sight of us and demanded to know if I indicated in my booking that I'd be checking in so late at night. If that was not bad enough, he gave us an unit on the third floor and lied that the place was fully booked. In August? Come on. He didn't even offer us a hand with the luggage. Prick. We had to laugh and heave and harrumph our way up in the wintry rain.

Ooh, the best part of the night was while we were trying to find the apartment in a pathetically cold and hungry state, we somehow drove into Vic Park and passed by Concas! But we couldn't stop as I didn't want some ah bao breaking into the car and stealing all our things before the first night was even over.

Patience is indeed a virtue though.

Devilishly spicy mussels!

Medium plate with my favourite beef goulash, rosemary potatoes, roast beef and lasagne.

Day 2
Trina wanted me to drive but I couldn't even get out of the parking bay without buanging the car! Damn humiliating. In full view of some of the tenants too! That's it. Trina drove the rest of the journey, including the six hours' drive to Margaret River and the very scary drive down to Albany.

We had lunch in Nandos at Vic Park, where I was hit by the worst stomach cramps ever. I had to hurry over to the shopping centre to lao sai. Then, while Trina was choosing her Bonds underwear at Target, I was besieged by those damn stomach pains again and lao sai-ed till my knees were weak. I had to buy this box of $20+ diarrhoea pills to stop myself from running to each available toilet.

We headed to Freo next and took loads of pictures and bought these two gigantic mushrooms, which we planned to melt loads of cheese and bacon bits on. Yum. I didn't have the crepes. The smell of them was enough to turn my already weakened stomach over, which was really too bad because I love this chicken wrap thing with rosemary herbs.

At the Chi Chi stall, where I always bought my fruits from!

As it was Friday, I nagged at them to rush back to the city so that we could do a bit of shopping and buy some groceries at Woolies.

Then, it was dinner at my favourite Kim Chee!

They had a special offer on my favourite beef bulgogi and the entire restaurant was eating it. I can't remember the price but I think it was $8 pax. It's usually $24 for 2 to share. As usual, I ordered my standard can of crushed pear juice. The menu's shrunk and my nice Korean lady's no longer there. The place seems to be run by Korean students who can barely speak English. I had to gesture to the waiter to take a photo for us.

Day 3
Trina thinks my Hoi's Kitchen is damn dirty and I hate her Joy Garden because the staff are so snobbish, so we compromised with Golden Century since Jo always seems to go there.

Waiting for Golden Century to open

Basket, I didn't know even the Chinese restaurants open late. We walked further down the street and went into the first shop that was open - a sex shop. One of us (not me) bought a lot of sex toys and peppermint cocks/boobies but was so embarrassed about the paper bag she was carrying that we had to troop back to the car so she could hide it in the boot.

The fruit sago jelly drink Jo mentioned. Damn nice.

Subi was next, but we didn't buy many things. I got a blue Paul Frank PJs at a steal for $49! I loved it so much, I was wearing it every night. There was nothing spectacularly worth mentioning in Subi, except we kena fined for parking longer than we paid for. Trina asked her dad that night what we should do with the ticket (because he travels to Perth often) and he said just throw away lor.

I think we did just that.

At Harbourtown, I almost fell asleep while waiting for the sisters. I was a little annoyed too because we only had two hours before the place closed and they spent one hour in the Nike store. The second time we were there, we decided it'd make more sense to split up.

Ha, check out the dinner we cooked that night, supplemented by my favourite Good Fortune duck!

Gigantic mushrooms melted with cheese, bacon bits and salami

Day 4
Swan Valley

While the sisters were tasting wine and cheese, this teetotaller met a cutie! He looks a bit like the old Snuffles in Perth. These days, Snuffles looks so different, I'm wondering if they sent back the wrong dog.

Sandalford Winery

As usual, we lost our way to Swan Valley and ended up at some bird observatory park, where a good soul directed us back onto the right track.

Trina was very understanding and let me visit the chocolate factory, where I bought my first bagful of fudges!

We then drove around looking for "a pretty pink cottage that served scones" because that was where the sisters had breakfast with their dad when they were kids. We never found it, so we had a very expensive lunch at the Black Swan. The place was gorgeous and the food was fantastic but because they took so long to come, I said very loudly (one and a half hours later), "Where the fuck is my fucking fish??"

To be continued...
My boys are nagging at me for their walkies...

Counting down...

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 14:24:22 GMT

Three more days to Perth!

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 05:45:50 GMT

All in all, a really good day yesterday, barring the fact that I had to work of course. Which, obviously sucked.

Fantastic dinner with great company, followed by a massage and finishing off with a chill-out session in a jazz pub. What more can I say?

It was Jenn who came up with the crazy idea of two skinny fries like us having Korean steamboat. Totally nuts.

As I was saying to Joan, "My friend is so funny! She's researching on the net now for the best Korean barbeque steamboat around!"

At East Coast, waiting for the Korean Lover to come down from Jurong East!

It was too bad we only had one more person to split the dinner bill with us. The Air Stewardess was probably hovering over some place exotic, intoning the message of chicken or beef. The Pilot had a wedding dinner to go to and the Chef was celebrating his anniversary with the girlfriend that night.

At the Korean charcoal barbeque place in East Coast (I forget the name)

Ooh, look at me slurp up the bubbling hot bowl of kim chee soup!

Beef... Glorious beef...

Look at the sweetheart dessert they gave us. Totally adorable.

Bloody dinner cost $50 each and that's only because Korean Lover absorbed the additional $4+.

The verdict? I'll come back only if I don't have to pay.

Haw haw, I am such a cheapskate.

We then headed down for Chinatown because Jenn's dad has a massage parlour there (clean one!) and my shoulders have been giving me the biggest problems for the longest time.

Look what we had for a treat on our way there!

Fireworks! My favourite!

My first massage was the most painful experience of my life. Boo hoo. And I have the purplish bruises to prove it. Whoever said massages were therapeutic ought to have their heads examined. Either that or they have a bionic threshold for pain. The lady said my muscles were very tense and proceeded to rub harder and harder and harder. I could see her feet lifted in the air as she used her body weight to press down on my back. This, coming from someone who looks almost two times my weight. She could even say to me, "Heng tong hor? (very painful hor?)" Dey! Of course pain lah! Pain until I wanted to cry leh!

Jenn's dad massaged my shoulders a bit and diagnosed my condition as"quite serious" because I always "sit in front of the computer". Gah! Another iron-clad reason not to work. Tee hee.

Despite the pain, it was good though. For one, my shoulders don't feel that knotted up, although my muscles are aching like mad. I'll probably do it again.

After a fantastic dinner and a nerve-wrecking massage, we thought it'd be nice to wind down at the jazz pub in Boat Quay.

Basket, that Korean Lover was going, "Say cheese, lesbians!" as he took this photo for us. Stupid. I Had my usual Guvner's Smile, but wished I had the guts to order the strawberry margherita though. I've like become a teetotaller since I came back to Singapore. The smallest drop of liquor makes me want to puke. Gah!

Peiyi's Wedding, 7 July 2007

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 04:30:56 GMT

Zenden, Gallery Hotel

That makes three classmates with a wedding band around their finger. Hell. one of them's already saddled with two kids!

Hermes

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 08:08:51 GMT

Hermes is nay impossible to photograph. He hardly stays still, unless you are stroking him to sleep.

Just as you try to capture that priceless moment of him philosophising quietly in the corner, he'd pounce on you and lick the lens.

Like this.

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 20 May 2007 06:21:35 GMT

I can't eat.

Yesterday, all I had was a zinger burger but even so, I had to force it past my throat.

And then, as I sat in my isolated corner in the office, I started crying silently.

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 16 May 2007 18:21:43 GMT

So, I thought it'd be cool to drive to Odeon Towers for dinner with Cherilyn... but wah lau I think I aged 20 years trying to find my way there! Gah!

Getting onto the ECP was bad enough without me itching to bash quite a few dicks into some heads since these phallic-faced men think they're so fast and furious that the whole world must give way to them!

Cheebye, this lamer of a Mitsubishi Lancer actually dared to cut into my lane without signalling, forcing me to jam brake and BOR BOR at him! I don't ever honk, you know. Fucking hell, my (dad's) car is so much bigger and more expensive than yours, and you bloody tried to take my lane when your stupid spoiler was length to length with my headlight! Pui! Stupid blind bat.

Then, I got off the ECP but wasn't sure which way to turn, so I kept to the right... Until I found myself almost turning back into the ECP again! Arrrgh! There was the option to U-turn, but the road was so jammed and the car was so big that if I turned, I'd be in the second lane. So naturally must wait for the lights to change before the cars in front would move and I can turn the car without buanging other vehicles right? But no, the lan jiaos behind couldn't wait and yours truly very proudly orchestrated a cacophony of honks and beeps that could be heard from Bugis Junction! Fwah lau, so humiliating.

Finally, I found the turning into Odeon Towers. There was a lovely blue sign that said "parking" and an arrow marked left, so I turned into the first gap I saw. Ta ma de! It was the garbage dump! The car park was further down the road. Stupid.

Now, I'm really paranoid when it comes to locking the car because I almost always forget to do it. Most of the time, I'd lock the car and walk off, only to hurry back to the car park five minutes later because I couldn't remember if I pressed the correct button on the remote. Which was what I did before heading to Hanabi. And then, I nearly died of a heart attack when I saw the nasty white scratches on the passenger seat's door. Oh god, it was like some giant witch had run her claws viciouslyagainst the door. There was even a dent to top it all off.

Then, I did about the dumbest thing in the world. All hail Her Royal Bimboness!

I grabbed a cloth from the boot and tried to wipe the scratches off.

Trembling really badly, I called my dad and was almost crying when I said,"Pa, I tell you something ok... sob sob... but you cannot tell mommy."

"GOT INTO TROUBLE ALREADY, RIGHT?", my dad said.

"Your car's really scratched and I don't know how that happened... sob... I don't remember hitting anything. I only mounted a curb! sob!"

"Oh that. I did it one."

WAH HENG MAN! IT WASN'T MY FAULT! PHEW!

Tee hee.

And if you thought all this was bad...

To end off the madcap adventure, I found myself tottering up and down the Esplanade carpark for over ten minutes... All because I hadn't paid attention to where I parked!

Gah!

Misadventures of the Incredibly Naughty Doggies

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Thu, 03 May 2007 05:12:56 GMT

Don't ask me how they got themselves in such a state.

I came out of the bathroom, only to find Snuffles struggling blindly inside the quilt cover and Hermes had somehow wedged his head and a paw through this incredibly small hole. I had to rescue Snuffles before he asphyxiated, but I couldn't squeeze Hermes out without breaking his bones. Along came Mr Scissors and a perfectly good quilt cover was ripped apart to get him out.

*shakes head*

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 17:21:11 GMT

I'm sad.

But I keep having to psyche myself up for work that I forgot to cry.

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:35:56 GMT

You know you haven't mastered the skill of Ambigram when the word makes more sense upside down. Do you think it looks good enough to draw blood on my skin?

or

niki

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 15:36:56 GMT

Me mam got Hermes a new top.

Hermes turns One!

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 06:17:24 GMT

But geez, what a bad birthday he's had.

I've been up since 9 this morning cleaning up his lao sai and puke. My bed smells like shit and my pillow's soaked in virgin urine. When I got home at 2 am yesterday, he regurgitated his entire dinner course onto my mom's impeccably clean marble flooring. It was a neat rectangle of dry dog food pellets and mashed Caesar's. I guessed he must have had dinner at six. Imagine all that food lying indigested in his stomach for the last eight hours! My poor boy.

Everybody's blaming the cake I got him. But hey, it wasn't some confectionary product meant for human consumption. It's special doggy cake bought from the US Dog Bakery. Approved by AVA too. Funny thing was, Snuffles gobbled up three quarters of the cake (yeah, he snatched it off his own son. Think he reckoned it was his birthday instead.), but he's perfectly fine. As lazy and greedy as ever. Oh well, off to the vet Hermes goes at 5pm later.

Happy Birthday Hermes!

Oh, I love this last picture. Snuffles looks positively deranged! *chortles*

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 12:24:14 GMT

For the first time in a long while, I've got much to blog but haven't been able to because my selfish brat of a brother wouldn't let me near the computer.

One day, Takashimaya had this one-day-only 10% rebate which I was absolutely dying to rush off for after work. Being a Friday and just one week to Christmas, the place was naturally packed like sardines. But squeezing with the crowd doesn't give you the right to push smaller people around, does it?? Which was what this son-of-a-bitch did. He pushed me aside not once, not twice, but well, more than I could bear. So, I glared daggers at him and gave him a sound kick on his shiny black shoes. Ta ma de, just because I'm short, you think I'm good to bully issit! Piece of shit.

Then, came Christmas Eve, in which poor souls like me spent answering phone calls! Ha, every call that came in was a harrassed report that "[I] have just been robbed in Orchard Road!". I think I cancelled at least 10 cards that night.

Watson bought a German-styled roast duck and we headed to Novotel to spend the first hours of Christmas with the old gang. The room was a good choice. It was big enough for nine people to play Charades. Imagine that. Mandy gave us fantastic presents. Her husband's got a very handy friend who works with Davidoff and they brought cartons of this new Davidoff Slims for distribution. So, the lot of us were puffing away on a mixture of Davidoffs, Malboros and Nexts, drinking all that beer and Port (I had water and Coke), and tearing off the roast duck with our bare hands like a bunch of barbarians. When I reached home, I smelt more like I've come out of MOS downstairs rather than having just spent the night in a deluxe room on the 23rd floor of Novotel Hotel.

Me, Karen & Mandy on the balcony

Me, Karen, Mandy & Sze Hwei

Extreme right: Sze Hwei's frustrated that no one could guess her
art in Win, Lose or Draw

From top: Joe joe, Mandy, Karen, Watson, Sze Hwei, Me & Shawn

At 5.30am...

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 04:11:54 GMT

Your Birthdate: November 28

You don't just believe in love at first site - you've experienced it.
You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter!
You are very prone to love - hate relationships.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 6

You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Uhm...

Mine is 1 - 6 = -5!

Crap.

So, I wanted to sterilise Snuffles, diminish a bit of that overgrown ego, and curb his trigger-happy wee wee tendencies. Once, he very nearly peed into Hermes' face.

Dammit, making an appointment with the vet was akin to queuing for a HDB flat!

"The earliest time for a booking would be next year..."

Next year???

"And I haven't got the vets' schedules out yet, so why don't you call back after Christmas?"

And there I was, making the call last week, naively assuming that I'd be able to settle an appointment for Sunday. As in last Sunday. Then, my mom changed her mind about neutering Snuffles. It was her command in the first place because she was mopping his urine after him everyday. There was also the veiled threat that he'd be chased out of the house if he remains overly territorial. Once, my mom offered my brother $100 to 'bring him away'. Snuffles can't be house-trained, although he's been smacked by me enough times to be taught not to run away, like how he used to in Perth. His favourite wee spots continue to be the fridge beneath or the floor cloth, despite being whacked big time and shouted at each time. So, it's either the you-can't-teach-an-old-dog-new-tricks theory or he's just plain dumb.

So yes, thanks to the Dowager's edict (and fortunately for Snuffles), his sperm duct remains intact and he can still be da man.

What's Smores?

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 17 Dec 2006 01:45:50 GMT

You Are Smores

Unusual and unconventional, you make your strange ways work for you.
You've got personality - no one's denying that!

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 08:14:41 GMT

I haven't seen my doggies in five and a half days and I miss them like CRAZEE!

I'm still cross with Snuffles for biting me five and a half days ago. It earned him a sound whacking, a flying kick and a warning that every tooth of his will be pulled out if he pulled such a stunt on me again. And then I got bitten again. But no, his teeth are still intact.

I spent my birthday waiting for O'mighty Flu to come upon me. I'm spending the aftermath of my 24th trying to recover from it.

More updates when I'm feeling better. I want my Snuffles and Hermes.

Jade, Fullerton Hotel

jiayi1982@yahoo.com.sg — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 02:55:56 GMT

Debs and Yuan... Married!

Pictures from the night. Bugger I looked so fat though.

Haha, this photo is totally disgusting, it's funny. No, I do not indulge in bestiality with my dogs. Hermes is just so very licky.